Lily's thoughts on gaming--in versus out

On In versus Out of Character
I am a gamer, but that is no secret. I suspect that it all goes back to my desire to play “make-believe”--something that I have, apparently, never grown out of as evidenced my personal involvement in groups like the Society for Creative Anachronism and the Art Deco Society.

While gaming has taken on many forms, from pen and paper storytelling games, to dice-dependent combat simulations, and even kill or be killed video gaming--i find that it is all good so long as there is something, almost anything, resembling r-o-l-e playing (versus r-o-l-l playing) included in the game. The more, typically, the better. Or so I thought….
I am finding that while much in character gaming is very much to my liking--particularly when playing the more traditional pen and paper RPGs**--100% in character gaming is not. There are times when I want to be able to describe something from a third person perspective instead. (“My character says nothing, but fidgets nervously.”) Third person gaming is often my preferred style when my character is doing something in game that I out of game probably could not do. (“My character tries to diplomatically flatters the city guard into letting the party in.”) Most DMs that I’ve played with have allowed these concessions to my gaming style. However, I have certainly had a few awkward moments when a DM has insisted on an in character moment when the dice and my PC’s skills would certainly have played out a much better scene that I as a player was able to deliver. Mildly frustrating. Or perhaps worse, moments when the actually player behaves in character with more grace, tact, or eloquence than their character could ever hope for--seen often in characters with an Intelligence of Wisdom dump stat.

The other times that I like to indulge in some out of character fun is less tolerated by the average DM--using a little brevity to lighten up a heavy situation, or to simply lighten a slow mood. It is their, the DM’s show--not mine, and they might very well want a fair amount of tension. Or, they may have gamed with entirely unfocused players and shun brevity for fear of it degrading the session into a Monty Python quote-fest. I understand this, I do--especially as an often DM/GM myself--but I am gaming to have fun after all, and sometimes it becomes really hard to bite my tongue. This, I think, is definitely an area that could benefit from improvement on my part.

Is there a perfect balance to be had, between in character and out of character behavior? I doubt it. Perhaps within an individual group, a good, maybe even great, balance can be found; but with many varying gaming styles and preferences, it would be impossible to find some absolute. That said, I would still prefer to strike out toward a balance than focus on entirely one style or the other--100% in character versus 100% out of character.

**In the past, when playing MMORPGs, I have tended towards 100% in character gaming as the dominance of out of character (OOC) chat ruins my game experience.